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Cerah’s story

Meet Cerah! thanks for sharing your story with us all.

Selfvation is all about sharing story’s and helping everyone get heard, Cerah sent in her story for all of us to read, please take some time to check it out and like , and subscribe to our email list for more! Here is her story she sent in, everybody meet Cerah:

“It all started in 97’ or 96’ who knows at this point? My mother was with an abusive man; had multiple kids with him while he was out getting other people pregnant too. A few years passed he was gone. There was a man at the house taking care of us. It wasn’t my father... It was his brother.. It was my uncle. For the first few years I still saw my father. It wasn’t pleasant though. He would bring us to his girlfriends mothers house or his house. If I was bad at his mothers id get put in a dark room and made to lay on the bed for hours If I was at his girlfriends mothers house; I had to eat dry kix for breakfast and bologna and ketchup sandwiches for every other meal. I wasn’t able to see my mother he called the state and said we were abused there, we weren’t... we were abused and neglected in his care. First day of kindergarten he dropped me off away from the school and I had to walk.. I was only 5. A few weeks passed I walked into the nurses office... my mom was there. Finally able to be with my mom again away from that hell. As I got a little older he was no where, he didn’t love us he had other kids to take care of..The age of 9 I think is when I realized my mom was into drugs. We lost our housing and had to move to the bad side of town where the rent was cheat and in every apartment came with creatures inside. Bug infestations. A few years passed my mom left my uncle and found a new guy.. He had multiple prescriptions so she was taken care of. Were we? No we were homeless walking the streets. That was until my cousin took us in, we were all registered for school and everything.. Until she found out we had headlice. She put all of our belongings outside.Yet again no where to go walking the streets with mom and her new boyfriend my mother got in touch with her life long friend. They took us in.. New school.. New clothes.. No headlice. They took care of us until mom could get a new place. A place to call home. New school for the first time I had friends, I was the new girl but everybody liked me and I wasn’t bullied or picked on for the way I was sent to school. I wasn’t dirty anymore we had new people taking care of us. About a month passed and we already had to leave the new school.. To another school and a place of our own. No furniture, no beds, no nothing. Something not even strange because we were souse to it. Mom still using and her boyfriend still there... leaving markings on my little brother and pushing my mom down stairs. She still didn’t escape the abuse. Moving places of living.. Finally I coould say I had a house.. My mom hid away in her room we had no hot water. Me at 11&12 years old walking to the next town over daily just to take a shower at my grandmothers. Why didn’t my grandmother save me? She was my best friend.. She had an abusive boyfriend and was an active alcoholic.. I stayed the night one time, slept in a recliner. I woke up to her boyfriend trying to molest me and touching my privates, but then he moved acting like nothing. I called my mother the next day she rushed over.. Cops werent called she thought it was appropriate just to throw hands.. Im not sure why.. Because as time passed I was 13.. I decided I was gonna talk to one of my sisters guy friends. I didn’t know myfirst love was going to be 19. He treated me amazing. He fed me, I had a shower he bought me things.. He also made me into a woman. I use to sneak away with him on the weekends and lie about where I was going. That was until my mom found out who I was with. She called the cops and pressed charges, I thought I loved the man I even may have loved him because I always had a void with no love coming from other places. I had to testify in court about what I did. The jury calling me nasty names telling me I was trash.. Was it my fault? The man got arrested charged with being a pedofile. To this day my heart still hurts. I know he was older and he was in the wrong. But he was the first love I ever had. Until Cullen came along, he was the new kids at school. He was my best friend very quick, but growing up in foster homes he finally felt wanted. I wanted him around. He ran from his foster home and stayed in my house. We went everywhere together until a friend talked him into steeling a bottle. Where he was then arrested and sent to juvie. I was lost for months hiding away and writing him but I couldn’t keep dealing with the depression of him being gone. I wanted to feel wanted again. I reached out to his best friend. Little did I know he was going to be the father of my first born. At only 15. I was pregnant. He locked me in my bedroom and wouldn’t let me see others. I couldn’t go to school if he wasn’t going, I would have been cheating on him if so. I finally left him.. Left him for good. Wasn’t pushed to have sex anymore. i was just living 15& pregnant. He was out of the picture. Cullen was out of jail, but I got pregnant with his best friends child.. I had to stay away. My daughters father came back around when she was born. He wanted custody claiming I wasn’t fit. He got every other weekend, court ordered. Something didn’t feel right. Pregnant with my 2nd daughter at 16.. Another man somebody that gave me love. Left me pregnant and alone. Single mother of 2 babies. Working as hard as I can to supply their needs. Dropped out of school. Mom helped a lot, but it wasn’t enough I was alone. About a year passed of my oldest going to her fathers for the weekends. I met a guy. He treated me and my babies well. Daughter still going to her fathers. Something was wrong though. A little while into these visits my baby had a rash on her privates. Doctors giving medication saying its skin tags, finally a referral to a dermatologist. Its not skin tags. Doctor says its from sexual abuse and hes contacting child services. Dealt with all that.. They say her father did it.. The man who was accused of touching multiple children under the age of 4. he claims he didn’t. Left my boyfriend. Last night I was there he was screaming in my face with a knife in 1 hand and a bottle of beer in the other. I couldn’t live like that. Stayed with my mom a few days but then went to the homeless shelter with my 2 kids. Working 47 hours a week. Living in a small room with multiple families for months. Finally I found a place to live a place to call mine. Before moving into this place I met a guy.a guy who I would only be with a short time for comfort. I met my best friend living in the building with all the families. Little did I know, I was going to be pregnant at 18 with my 3rd child. Me and the guy didn’t work out it wasnt met to be. We were only suppose to be friends. He turned crazy. Stalked me questioned who was at my house. The list goes on but I was gonna have this baby.. And after 2 months of being pregnant. My husband walked into my life. He had a daughter of his own I had 2 daughters and I was pregnant. There was something about him I couldn’t point out. I just knew I fucking loved him. Months pass my sons born 2 months early, but hes healthy. My sons father brought me to court. We got shared custody.. My life couldn’t have been any better after this.. Until my oldest daughters father wanted to take a lie detector test. Claiming he didn’t hrut her. He suggested going to steve wilkos. That’s what we did. And according to that he was the one that hurt my baby.. Shortly after this I was proposed to.. Carrying my 4th child... and moving into my house away from everybody. Leaving to go towns over and starting over. Here i am. In my house with all of my children and my husband. I felt good until last week. You remember the guy above that abused and neglected me? The guy who was my father... hes not my biological father. And who knows maybe all this hell I dealt with was because the beginning of my life was a lie. Maybe my biological father gave a shit. Who knows not me. What i do know is; Depression, axniety, ptsd, and all the tears I shed are real. you never know what somebodys been through. This isnt even the full story but you get the point. Mental health is something that comes in all size waves and reasons. So be alert of your surroundings, you never know.”

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